Wediquette

September 1, 2016

 

Wediquette, aka wedding etiquette.  It's a subject that everyone planning or attending a wedding wants to know about, but no one wants to be the one to ask.  Here is your shortcut to some of the most popular etiquette questions:

 

 

INVITATIONS & RSVPS

 

    For the guests:

  • If the envelope has your name "plus guest", you get a plus 1

  • If the envelope has just your name, you don’t get a plus 1

  • If the envelope has your children's name(s) or “family,” you can bring them

  • If the RSVP card has you write in the number of guests attending, you can bring someone, just don’t bring several people

  • RSVP as soon as you can

  • You don’t have to RSVP "yes"

  • If you do RSVP "yes", go to the wedding.

  • If you don't plan to attend, RSVP "no" and save the couple from spending money on your behalf for your meal, drinks, favors and entertainment

Keep in mind that the above are just guidelines, as individual situations will dictate different rules at times.  Just keep in mind that the couple is making a contractual and monetary commitment to a variety of vendors (caterer, bar company, venue, florist, baker...) regarding the number of guests attending their wedding.  This is why it is so important to RSVP (either yes or no) and to respect their requested boundaries regarding whether you can bring guests or not.  Your consideration regarding the money they are spending and necessity to have an accurate head count will be one of the most considerate gifts you can give them.

 

    For the couple:

  • It is customary to extend a plus 1 to anyone who is in a committed relationship, but not necessarily so for someone who is single or in a casual relationship

  • Don't extend a verbal invitation to someone unless you plan to follow up with a formal invitation to them.  If the topic arises with someone you know casually but don't plan to invite (co-worker, acquaintance, etc), diplomatically handle the issue by saying you haven't finalized the guest list

  • If a guest asks to bring their kids after you've made it clear that it is for adults only, nip this in the bud.  Call the guest and kindly but firmly explain that the invitation is just for adults and that you hope they can still attend.  Don't make exceptions - it's not fair to the other guests who have respected your wishes.  The only allowable exceptions are the flower girl and ring bearer.

 

GIFTS:

 

For the guests:

  • If the invitation doesn't mention a gift registry, it's ok to ask the wedding couple if they have one

  • If you can’t make the wedding, according to etiquette, you don’t have to send a gift, but it is still a nice gesture

  • Do you have to follow the registry?  You should

For the couple:

  • Do you have to create a registry?  You should if you would like to receive gifts.  

  • Don't mention gift registries in your invitations, but do include the website address of your wedding website, which can have links to your registry

  • It is fine to have a less traditional registry which can include camping gear, gardening tools, etc

  • Create a registry which has a mix of items in a variety of price ranges.  This gives your guests options and lets them feel comfortable finding something they will be excited to give you

 

​DRESS CODE:

 

For the guests:

  • Look up the wedding venue.  If part or all of the wedding will be outside on a lawn, stiletto heels are not the best choice of shoes.  Instead, opt for flats or heels with a lower, wider base

  • Consider the time of year and temperature.  Dress appropriately for an indoor vs outdoor event as long as you conform to the dress code requested by the couple

  • Refer to the invitation for guidance.  If the couple has a preference, it will be listed on there (i.e. white tie, black tie, dressy casual, casual)

  • Women - do not ever wear white or anything close to it - no no no no

For the couple:

  • It's your wedding, so you get to decide what you wear as well as what your guests wear.  Choose something that reflects your wishes and represents you as a couple, don't dress according to what others think.

 

 

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